Yesterday, when Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders both separately issued groveling apologies to their respective partners, it seemed that they were doing everything they could with the power of the written word (if, indeed, they had any input into them) to make it clear that their affair was a mistake… a BIG mistake!
But did we really buy into their indescribable regret over acting on their attraction for one another at the risk of hurting their loved ones?
We consulted Dr. Reef Karim, The Sex, Drugs & Relationships Doctor and Psychiatrist & Relationship Expert, to get his take on the affair; whether Stewart and Sanders wanted to get caught; and can either couple come out of this mess in one piece.
Here is our interview with him….
Celebzter: Kristin and Rupert are both in relationships, so why would they cheat? Is it a sign that they aren’t happy at home?
Dr. Reef Karim: People cheat for many reasons.
Cheating and affairs in a relationship are usually a symptom of a larger problem with the couple. The most common symptoms are problems with: trust, feeling respected, poor communication, impulsivity and difficulties with conflict resolution. Any of these are a potential problem requiring work and an open dialogue by the couple.
Celebzter: Do you think Kristen and Robert’s relationship can survive?
Dr. Reef Karim: This was a pretty big deal because it was people they know well, as a couple, and it was so public. But, almost any relationship can be salvaged if both parties are willing to really work on the relationship. This one, however, won’t be easy.
Celebzter: When infidelity happens, how can a couple try to make it work?
Dr. Reef Karim: The key to working with infidelity is to understand why it happened. Was it pre-determined or impulsive? Was alcohol or drugs involved? Who was it and how do you know them? Is it an emotional relationship or only physical? What is it about our relationship that may have contributed to this happening? After these and other questions are answered, the next step is open communication and sometimes professional help.
Celebzter: What makes it worse is that Rupert’s wife was in the film and Rupert said that the four I.e robert, Kristen, Rupert and his wife Liberty) all became friends….does that make the sting even worse because the deception is greater?
Dr. Reef Karim: The discovery of an affair is a bad time for anyone. But, if the affair involves a friend and the deception is significant, the betrayal is that much worse. The sting and repair are definitely more complicated because friendships may be dissolved.
Celebzter: Kristin and Robert Pattinson have never come out and confirmed publicly that they are a couple, what does that say about their relationships?
Dr. Reef Karim: The declaration “we are officially a couple” is overrated. Especially in the celebrity community. You can have a perfectly healthy relationship without making it public. But, if one member of the couple hides the relationship from others for ulterior motives (like I’m leaving my options open to date other people), then you have a problem.
Celebzter: But yesterday, she confirmed that she loved him and realizes that she put their relationship in jeopardy…..is it too little too late?
Dr. Reef Karim: They definitely “need to talk” to gain an understanding of why this happened, what’s the problem with the relationship, can the trust be repaired and what to do in the future. The fact that the betrayal was so public doesn’t help.
Celebzter: And what to make of Rupert’s statement?
Dr. Reef Karim: Clearly, if he was distraught and valued his marriage he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place?
When people cheat, they usually aren’t thinking, they’re acting on impulse (unless it’s a long-term affair). Being with an attractive person, on set, for an extended period of time requires self-restraint. And, per reports, that didn’t seem to happen in this situation.
Celebzter: They were caught making out in public, it’s almost like they wanted to get caught, right? Who would do that otherwise?
Dr. Reef Karim: Primal impulses make you do crazy things like make out in public when one celebrity is married and the other is in a relationship. In other words, the passion (and maybe alcohol?) makes you do things that you wouldn’t normally do.
Celebzter: What should Rob do? What should Rupert’s wife do? Should they forgive the other half? Or walk out?
Dr. Reef Karim: Everyone in this situation needs to focus on their own family and relationship and work on repairing the trust by openly communicating and possibly getting some professional help with the relationship. There’s a lot of betrayal here that needs to be worked out.
Follow Dr. Reef on Twitter: Twitter @DrReef
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