The most scathing restaurant review ever? Guy Fieri’s new joint is roasted by the NYT

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He’s a star on the Food Network, but Guy Fieri’s latest restaurant, located in Times Square, is going up on smoke!

Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, which flung open its doors in fall has come under serious grilling, in possibly one of the most scathing restaurant reviews we’ve seen in recent times, in a piece written by Pete Wells for the New York Times.

Don’t believe us? Well, look at these snippets and to read the entire transcript, click here.

-Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are? If you hadn’t come up with the recipe yourself, would you ever guess that the shiny tissue of breading that exudes grease onto the plate contains either pretzels or smoked almonds? Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?

-Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret — a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers — called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?

- Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?

-How, for example, did Rhode Island’s supremely unhealthy and awesomely good fried calamari — dressed with garlic butter and pickled hot peppers — end up in your restaurant as a plate of pale, unsalted squid rings next to a dish of sweet mayonnaise with a distant rumor of spice?

-How did Louisiana’s blackened, Cajun-spiced treatment turn into the ghostly nubs of unblackened, unspiced white meat in your Cajun Chicken Alfredo?

-How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable? Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil? Why not bury those chips under a properly hot and filling layer of melted cheese and jalapeños instead of dribbling them with thin needles of pepperoni and cold gray clots of ground turkey?

-By the way, would you let our server know that when we asked for chai, he brought us a cup of hot water?

-Tell me, though, why does your kitchen sabotage even its more appealing main courses with ruinous sides and sauces? Why stifle a pretty good bison meatloaf in a sugary brown glaze with no undertow of acid or spice? Why send a serviceable herb-stuffed rotisserie chicken to the table in the company of your insipid Rice-a-Roni variant?

-Somewhere within the yawning, three-level interior of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, is there a long refrigerated tunnel that servers have to pass through to make sure that the French fries, already limp and oil-sogged, are also served cold?

-Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?

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Melissa Myers has worked as an entertainment journalist for ten years, both in London and New York. She has done a daily gossip column on British newspaper the Daily Star where she interviewed everyone from Tom Cruise and George Clooney to Simon Cowell and Jennifer Lopez. She also worked as the News Director of In Touch in New York for the past six years, before launching her own site www.celebzter.com, which aims to provide smart content for smart women.
Melissa Myers has worked as an entertainment journalist for ten years, both in London and New York. She has done a daily gossip column on British newspaper the Daily Star where she interviewed everyone from Tom Cruise and George Clooney to Simon Cowell and Jennifer Lopez. She also worked as the News Director of In Touch in New York for the past six years, before launching her own site www.celebzter.com, which aims to provide smart content for smart women.
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